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Tuesday, February 7, 2017

As good as it gets

Got my tax refund. Could buy some fairly heavy duty hardware. One little problem, I'm not sure I want to podcast anymore. Right now I don't, anyway. After ten years of doing this stuff... ten years, think about that... maybe 500-some podcasts... I've concluded I have nothing interesting to say. At least nothing of my own. I've recorded other people's books and essays and books of essays for a while. Ten of those, at least ten that went to Podiobooks. A few short stories and such. Even with doing that for ten years, where am I? It's part about President Bully. I was bullied as a kid. We're talking kindergarten. And after all these years, I'm in a merely okay job. And a bully is President. A nice intelligent fella like me, here I am with this job. And an ignorant jackass is President. So I'm wondering what the hell happened the past almost 60 years. And I'm wondering what the hell happened the past 10 years. An awful lot of what has kept me going has been an apparently unrealistic dream. I always thought that if I was good someone would notice, and say "Hey, we gotta get this guy to do this for us," or something like it, anyway. On at least five occasions I thought "These guys, they'll be the ones who'll get it!" Nope. Over and over again. Maybe I just need to catch my breath. Maybe I'll start again. Anyway, can't convince myself to buy that swell new recording hardware, because I don't much care to record anymore. I get to the end of the day, making a living talking to people, and I really don't want to talk anymore. Kinda figures, guy on the Spectrum, only got so much talking I can do before I'm used up. With the dream, recording might lead someday to something better. Without it, it's just another night in front of a microphone. Which is nice. I guess. I've enjoyed it. On the good days, I'm utterly flabbergasted that there are so many people who listen. Thank you if you are one of them. On the bad days, I think there ought to be more. More what is a damn good question. "Maybe this is as good as it gets?"

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