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Monday, January 17, 2011

I had the weirdest dream...

Just woke up from one of those dreams.

Started out, I was in this technical school of some sort, not sure what for.  I recall having to put on a white lab coat at one point.  Anyway, at one point I was supposed to be getting dressed for my next class, or possibly heading home from school, and I couldn't find my clothes, and wasn't wearing shoes.  Struggled my way through the crowds trying to find them.  Everyone else appeared to be where they were supposed to be and had what they were supposed to have, and were crabby at me (angry would be too strong a word) for getting in their way when they knew what they were doing and I didn't.

Then I was in a restaurant, possibly the schools cafeteria.  I finished eating, and reached for my wallet, and tried to pay with my credit card.  It was declined, but I was sure I had some cash in my wallet.  Couldn't find any, but my wallet was full -- full of play money from some game.  There sure was a lot of it, and I pulled it out and piled it on the counter, but I knew it wasn't good for paying for lunch, and I kept digging for the real money I thought must still be in there.  Never did find it.

Then, suddenly, I was out of school, and I was in the middle of a big mostly-outdoor industrial plant.  Very dirty environment, I recall.  No idea what I was supposed to be doing, but this was apparently what I'd gone to school for.  Had an idea which direction I was supposed to go, but there was this big hill to climb, it was apparently covered with hazards, sharp metal and dangerous chemicals and heavy equipment, and people running that equipment, all quite upset with this guy wandering barefoot through their plant with no idea what I was doing.  I wasn't happy myself.  About halfway up the hill -- just about to be run over by a small train -- I woke up.

Two things stuck me.  One:  I spent a couple of years working in a more dangerous plant than that, and it shouldn't have bothered me that much, though in the real plant I had some idea what I was supposed to do.

And two: The dream wasn't very symbolic at all.  It was mostly literal.  I went to school.  I spent my time there not quite understanding what everyone else was learning, and not feeling like I was learning anything.  My internship consisted of being a DJ in Second Life.  (Apparently I'm pretty good at that.)  I got a diploma, and I was out.  I know I have a little bit of real money somewhere, but mostly I have play money called Lindens, with which of course I can't buy a cup of coffee.

And I find myself barefoot and unequipped in the middle of an industry where I'm expected to know what to do, where it seems everyone around me already knows, surrounded by hazards I don't understand, and not sure what direction to go, other than vaguely "uphill."  And I'm already supposed to know, or what the hell am I doing in the middle of this big industry?

These days, I don't feel like I know how to do what I've already done for several years.  About the only thing for which I feel qualified is being a DJ in Second Life.  They tell me I'm good at that.  But that gives me a wallet full of play money, sometimes a lot of it, but not enough to buy a cup of coffee.

And this is the part where the ending goes.



Thursday, January 6, 2011

So where the hell was I? UPDATED

UPDATE:  So now I find it.  Naturally.  It was a blogpost.  And shockingly... I don't actually read blogs much. 
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Just heard a podcast mentioning that JC Hutchins stopped podcasting.  I hadn't heard, and was a bit bewildered.  I mentioned this on Twitter -- and Hutch seemed a bit hurt that I hadn't heard, and seemed to think I was being cruel in my comments about it.  I think it's more likely an artifact of 140 characters; I'd be tweeting for the next couple days to be understood.

First of all, true, I am sort of disappointed that he isn't podcasting anymore.  I liked several, but not all, of his books -- not crazy about anything resembling horror.  I simply would never have been aware of his books without podcasting.  I haven't actually sat down and read a dead-tree book other than textbooks in several years, and frankly, reading textbooks in school this last year was kind of a freaky experience, as if I didn't really remember how to read a book.  I'm all about the audiobooks now.  This is, in part, because my eyesight isn't what it was. 

I'm all about podcasts, too, maybe too much so.  Last time I counted I was subscribed to over 200 podcasts including audiobooks.  I often fall asleep with my podcasts playing.  This sometimes results in rather disturbing (not -that- kind of disturbing) dreams about podcasts and podcasters, including a dreamed conversation with Mur Lafferty, which turned out to be her reading on Escape Pod.  Funny thing, she looked completely different in the dream, and I knew that wasn't what she looks like, but I still knew it was her.  (Nothing inappropriate, just the kind of friendly conversation I hope we could actually have at a Con someday.)  Then I woke up.  I do hate to unsubscribe from anything, but I can't say I've actually heard all the episodes of all the podcasts to which I'm subscribed. 

Add to that, Mr. Hutchins stopped podcasting way way back, during what was the busiest time of my schooling, when I wasn't listening to many podcasts anyway, and producing only a few of my own, sad to say.  I graduated from school, got a diploma, and remained unemployed, so I'm not sure I wouldn't have been better off skipping school and not skipping the podcast episodes.  (I'm kidding, Mom.)

I don't resent JC Hutchins leaving podcasting; people do stop alla time, after all.  It's still an open question if I have quit myself.  If my tone was at all snappish, I apologize.  It was in response to a rather snide comment suggesting I wasn't a "dedicated fan" because I missed his swan song.  I was and am a fan, but I have that life thing I've also been trying to succeed at.  I wouldn't say I approve, either, because I don't really know his reasons, and I only know he quit because of a passing comment on someone else's podcast.  Went off to his website, tried to figure out how to find where he explained it all and waved bye-bye, and couldn't find it.  So I commented on Twitter. and apparently engendered some bad feelings.  Still haven't found that last podcast, and still hope to.  It's entirely his decision, but I'm curious.  He says things well -- you may have noticed -- and I'd be interested to see how he'd say this.

I certainly wish him all the best, and I strongly suspect that's what he'll get, because he's a very talented guy who's gotten good opportunities to exercise those talents.  I can think of a half-dozen different very good reasons he might leave podcasting.  I was simply wondering about the actual reasons.

Further deponent sayeth not.

Griz