You aren't really so very much different. But you don't have the ability
to do that one thing. It isn't critical, I can't imagine podcasting (or
karaoke, for that matter) being of critical in any conceivable context.
It doesn't feel to me as if I'm absolutely not going to ever, ever podcast
again. It's just that right now, I'm not able to.
I don't seem to have the ability to say anything "right." Whatever I say
to any other particular person seems to be profoundly negative, and not
funny by any measure. But that just seems what I say these days. That
doesn't seem like it can never change, but it does seem to be the way I am
right now and for some undefined time into the future.
I have on occasion been fairly proud of podcasting, and of my various
podcasts, minimally impressive as they have been. I sometimes think one
of the three (now) books I could read for the "Hiber-Nation" show could be
very good, too. But right now, I can't seem to get to that place where I
can record these shows.
It's very like trying to sing when I have a cold. With all the strong,
soulful or spiritual feelings I might have, if my throat is all tore up,
then it's all tore up, and I'll sound like crap, and it might even hurt to
sing. How ever much I want to sing, I can't sing. Cause it'd hurt, and
it wouldn't sound good.
I could try to record a show. I have tried -- recorded maybe a third of a
show. Had to stop. It hurt.
Or something like that.
I haven't podfaded in the sense that I want to stop Being a Podcaster.
But I can't do a show right now. And it does feel like I'm "falling
behind." But then again, This Is My Show, and the episodes happen when
those episodes happen. Hundreds of years from now, when my Worshippers
research the Apocryphya of Grizzlyism, they might find the bits and pieces
of shows I've recorded, and the Grizzologists will argue over the True
Meaning of the parts of files they recover from odd corners of failed
harddrives. Or even paper.
And in a very real sense, they'll mean nothing anyway. And neither will
the rest of it.
But you know how worshippers get. Don't you?
Oh, wait, it's still the 21st Century. No worshippers. Nevermind.
Grizzly's Growls Podcast: <http://grizzly.libsyn.com>
Stories from the Hiber-Nation: