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Monday, September 24, 2007

The Centipede's dilemma

There's a very old story, possibly covered by the Brothers Grimm.

A little girl comes across a Centipede in the garden. Might have been a
millipede, depends on who you ask.

So the little girl watches the Centipede (or whatever) for a while, then
says, "Excuse me, but that's really remarkable. How do you manage to walk
with so many legs?"

So the Centipede looks up at her, looks down at his legs, up at her, down
at his legs, takes a step -- and falls flat on his face. When he really
thought about it, he couldn't figure out how he did it. So he couldn't do
it anymore.

I've spent far too much time thinking about how I do podcasts. I never
really thought about it. I cranked up the computer, grabbed the mike, and
started talking.

Now I think about it, and I don't even pick up the mike.

I feel self-conscious.

So I don't podcast.

To paraphrase Mur Lafferty, "I Should Be Podcasting."

It's not really a writer's block, because I don't have any trouble coming
up with more of the crap I used to talk about back when. I just get into
this loop when I start thinking, "But what will people actually think when
I say that, or talk about that? What if I look stupid, what if I make a
fool of myself?"

And I don't podcast. I talk -about- podcasting, I look at my stats -for-
the podcast I used to do up till last month. But I think about it, blush,
wrap my arms about myself and walk away for another week or three.

I did do one little thing to say I wasn't podfaded, that I was just
working on ideas. And I suppose I'm not really podfaded, I'm still
blogging, ain't I? I'm not entirely shut down. But I don't carry my
microphone around with me anymore, just the laptop. I still email, I
still blog (and am frequently and asshole about that, but that's another
post), but I don't podcast.

Because I don't want to make a fool of myself.

Probably, if I was going to make a fool of myself podcasting, I've already
done that. But a handful of people have liked some of what I've done
previously, and I have no idea what That is.

And I dunno if I have any more of That left, whatever it was.

And I certainly don't want to be an internationally syndicated, really bad
podcaster. I want to be good at it. And I don't know if I am, ever was,
or ever could be.

Too many legs, and when I think about it, I can't take that first step
without falling on my face. Or can I? Film at 11.

--
grizzly at grizzly dot podzone dot org
Podcast: <http://grizzly.libsyn.com>
Promo: <http://media.libsyn.com/media/grizzly/grizprom.mp3>
Blog: <grizzlysgrowls.blogspot.com>
The Life and Times of a Minor Local Celebrity

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